Do you know that out of 6.6 billion people in this world, nobody looks alike? Even an identical twins have different thumbprints. Not only humans, but also plants and animals differ from each other. Isn’t this amazing? Do you think this is merely a coincidence? Absolutely not… Existence has purposefully made us different from each other – but why? Because no other joys are comparable to the ones by being your own true self. Only through your own originality, you can experience the eternal joy of life.
But the question is if there is so much ecstasy and joy in being oneself, then why cannot we be so? What are we so afraid of? What is keeping us from this source of ultimate blissfulness that could flow into our lives any moment?
In this post, first I am going to highlight some crucial factors behind our inability to accept the way we are, and then I will present some remedies to those factors
Society
From the very beginning of our life, we are instilled with the notion by the society in which we live in that we have to become somebody else. A child has no choice of his own, he is only a child – what can he do. He is too weak to resist or fight back. Even if he does so he will be kept quiet. Take religion for example. A child is imposed with the values of the religion of his family. He is forced to adopt the ideologies of that religion. He is not allowed total freedom to grow into his own self and broaden his horizon of knowledge; instead he is constrained to follow a narrower path that causes a negative effect on his growth. For instance, why does a child have to become like a Buddha, a Christ, a Mohammad, a Rama, a Gandhi and so on… Why isn’t he allowed to be himself? Why isn’t he allowed to explore his own immense possibilities?
Family/Educational System
Our family and the educational system that we grow up with also play an important role on molding our future. I was myself fortunate enough to have a family who never tried to impose upon me what they desired me to be. Part of the reason was because they were themselves uneducated. One should know that education gives you knowledge, which in turn strips your innocence, inflates your ego, and makes you more corrupt. Educated or uneducated, it does not really matter, if a person is unaware, then no matter how many degrees he amasses, he remains a knowledgeable and intellectual fool throughout his life. He can never enjoy the sunlight of awareness.
I am thus grateful to have parents who cared more about their children then their own selfish desires. Yes, this is true that many parents want to fulfill their dreams through their children. If a father could not become a doctor, he wants his son to go to medical school. But, the son does not want to be a doctor. He would be happy if he could become an actor. But again, NO, a son has to listen to his father. If he doesn’t listen, then it’s an insult to his father’s love and sacrifices.
This kind of emotional bargaining has created a big rift in our society. This is why the new generation is always rebelling against the older generation. The older generation does not seem to understand that this is not their age any more, time has changed, people have changed.
The example of my parents is a rare exception in the eastern society – because drawing from my experience of growing up there I have seen that almost every parent wants their children to become either a doctor or an engineer or a person of great respect and authority. I don’t particularly blame parents for this because it is coming out of their unawareness. Since they also grew up in the same blind society and were conditioned as such for centuries – what can they offer to their children but the same thing that they learned from their parents?
Media
Forms of mass media especially television, film, and music have been imparting a negative influence upon people mostly, in the western society, but now it is spreading to all societies wherever accessible. Pop culture is so pervasive, that it can reach huge masses of people and influence them in no time. By creating unnecessary hype and giving birth to role models, celebrity figures, superstars, rock stars, superheroes –young teens are forced to believe that if they look or act like these models, only then they will have a place and gain attention among their friends. Teens these days, instead of focusing on developing their own self, would prefer to be like their media created role model. Young girls want to look like some movie star, and boys also aspire to be like their favorite superhero. How is your own growth possible with such a mentality?
Do you know how far a person can go to become like somebody else? On TV we can see there are guys impersonating celebrity women, girls imitating guys, men using various medical procedures to become women, and women seeking plastic surgeries to look more young and beautiful. What has happened to us? What is wrong with people? Why cannot we accept the way we are? Why cannot we be happy with the way we look? Nope. We have to look like some movie star, celebrity, role model, political figure, or some religious figure. Everybody wants to become a Gandhi. Everybody wants to become a Buddha. Jesus, Buddha or other great human beings are all different and lived their lives on their own way. They are all unique expression of the divine, God, Tao, Zen, or the Existence. Why do we need to become like them? Why do people want to be somebody else, when they are so beautiful themselves? Everybody is running in this race from the very beginning of their life. No wonder we are so unhappy and miserable in our lives – because in this need to pretend and imitate somebody else, we have ignored ourselves, we have forgotten the beauty of our own inner being, we have completely strayed from our path that could lead us to our own original individuality. We have been outbid by this unconscious auctioning of our own soul – in trying to be a Xerox copy; we have lost our own true face. Such is the condition of humanity… then how can we be happy in life?
The damage has already been done to a degree that it would take quite some time for people to comprehend the consequences. Sooner or later, people will realize what has gone wrong in their lives – because no matter how beautiful you pretend to be outside, inside you cannot hide the truth of your real self. In society, you might be respectable and you might portray a powerful image, but in your own eyes, you know your true image. And, when you come to know that all your life you acted as somebody else and kept on changing masks, then you will sink low in your own eyes, and resent missing all the joys you could have had by just being yourself.
So, what can be done? How can we be ourselves?
First, you need courage. Yes, a tremendous courage to fight back and resist those factors that have been prohibiting you from becoming your own person. Yes, you need to stand up for your rights and protest against all the impediments that have been posing threats to your growth. You need to act on your own. Don’t think that someone will come and rescue you. You are your own messiah. You have to show tremendous courage to make your own decisions. You might be condemned, you might be ridiculed, you might be threatened – but you should not give up your fight. You are fighting for your own inner freedom; you are fighting for your own individuality, and your own originality. Be a rebel and start your inner revolution before it is too late. Your original self is the most beautiful, highest and eternal gift that has been given to you by your own existence. So don’t give up, and don’t compromise for something lesser and temporary.
Second, you need to drop your fear. Society has been instigating fear among people for centuries, and so far, has succeeded in creating a wall between you and your growth. It’s about time that you bring that wall down. This can only be done, when you are not afraid. Yes, you will face challenges. Yes, you may be mocked, you may be rejected, you may be condemned. Others and society will do all their best in preventing you from achieving your mission. They will keep creating a wall of guilt and fear in you, but you shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Remember, you have already begun an inner revolution; its fire will conquer all the hurdles in your path. Don’t surrender. Face all the insurmountable difficulties with great courage. Others may try to bring you down, run you over, and topple you, but be strong. You have to be as strong as the trees that do not fall in a heavy storm. The trees which fall in the storm are themselves responsible for their death as they were too weak to face the strong wind. Yet, the wind wasn’t strong, instead the trees were weak. So drop you fear and be ready to face any storm in your way.
Third, is by accepting your responsibility. Yes, this is a very daring step. All the problems, all the source of our misery, is our own incapability to accept the way we look, act, and represent ourselves. The moment you accept this, you become responsible. By accepting yourself, you have embraced this responsibility, and you have given birth to a deep love for yourself. Once you start loving yourself the way you are, joy will shower you from everywhere. You will feel happier and blissful. Only then growth will blossom in your soul, and you will become the flower of your own self. A flower that radiates with its original fragrance that lives in freedom, and dies in utter satisfaction and glory…
Fourth, awareness is needed. People have to become aware of a fact that every individual is unique and he/she has is meant to grow differently than others. Society, the parents, religion, politicians, and the educational system should be conscious of this fact, and allow freedom to every individual to choose their own path, support and motivate each individual to become their own flower. People should be provided enough love and nourishment to fully develop to their enormous potential. The individual should not be imposed, threatened, and swayed to become somebody they don’t want to be, as we all know the negative impacts of this approach. The child could have been a great poet, but his family forced him to become a doctor. The child could have excelled as an actor, but he was persuaded to become an engineer. This is why the child remains unhappy all his life – because he is not what he was supposed to be.
Hence, the society, the media, and the family should become aware and conscious, and create an environment for the individual where he can prosper and blossom to be utterly himself.
Final Thoughts
Remember that a lily seed can only produce lily flower, not marigold no matter how much you wish or try. Similarly, you can mold a child to become the way you wanted, but you cannot mold his inner self, instead you make his life miserable when it could have been utterly joyful.
To those grown up unconscious individuals brainwashed by the media and the pop culture, who want to look young forever or look like somebody else, open your eyes and peek once into your inner being. Do not waste your precious life in plastic hopes, be conscious of yourself, it is the most beautiful gift. Don’t be persuaded by people who simply want to exploit your vulnerabilities. Be strong, and learn to accept the way you are. You are already so beautiful. Only once you start loving yourself, you will be loved by everybody. Just be yourself, there are so much joys and beauty waiting ahead for you to make your life a celebration and full of bliss.
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