Personality vs. Individuality

Ever had that humiliating experience when your first date goes awry when he/she points out how you lack a personality. Then you kick dust all the way home, while wondering how to build an attractive, charming or positive personality. And eventually, you pour all your energy into hundreds of books and articles devoted simply to unraveling the secrets of a better, stronger, charming, sexy or positive personality. Let me tell you one thing it’s not your personality, it’s who you are, that really matters in the long run, and there is no need to waste your time and be overwhelmed in such a web of consolations. No need to be worried; you have just arrived at the right place.


In this article, I am not going to give away tips on building a strong or positive personality; in fact, I will be shattering all your beliefs and hopes regarding personality. My endeavor is to motivate you to find something more beautiful than personality -- something which has always been within you since the day you were born, which is your intrinsic nature and your birthright. It is your own “Individuality.”

Problems with Personality
Society has done all it can to categorize personality and make people believe that their personality is the same thing as their individuality. In the eyes of society, your personality can be nerdy, sexy, geeky, dull, smart, pathetic, charming, attractive, cute, sappy and so on… The problem with such categorization is that you will start associating with the personality that you have been given by your parents, relatives, friends, or teachers. Unconsciously, this array of personalities will start sinking into you and you will start forgetting the real “you.” The real “you” is your essence, or your individuality. Your family and society have been molding you for so long that you don’t even know your original self anymore. They have turned you into something which you were not meant to be.

The article presents several factors behind our inabilities to accept the way we are, and also provide remedies to these problems to some extent.As I mentioned earlier, since we are being molded into something different, against our nature, our life is burdened with misery and suffering. Eventually, we get imprisoned in our own fake personality. It becomes our confinement. It becomes our prison. We become afraid of losing what we have accumulated all our life. Since personality has been deeply rooted into our skin, it becomes extremely difficult for us to get out of this confinement. We have become so used to the personality that we have been wearing, we feel like it has become part of our lives. We cannot part with it as we have developed thinking that it is our true essence.

Here, I am reminded of one true story.
A guy was in prison for many years. Throughout his stay in the prison, he was confined with iron shackles and chains. When he was released, the authorities were about to free him from his chains; but the prisoner wouldn’t let them do so. He had become attached to his fetters; it was as if they were his own body parts.

This is what has happened to people. We have worn so many personalities that now it has become almost impossible to get rid of them. When somebody approaches you and tells you that what you portray is not what you are, you would be offended.

When Bhagwan Buddha started teaching, people thought he was crazy -- because he said that you are asleep. What you have been doing so far, all your beliefs and doctrines are nothing but consolations, and that life is suffering. Certainly people were angry with him. Unlike priests and pretentious gurus, Buddha didn’t give them false hopes and dreams. Instead he presented them with the harsh realities of life, and how through awareness one can deal with them.
But, in the beginning people were offended as they were so used to hearing good things, and it completely shattered the way of their living.

Let me present to you another case:

One incompetent young man somehow was promoted to an executive level in his office. He got that position not because of his qualification, but because of a strong connection that he had. He was in the office one day, facing a great difficulty in tackling an assignment. In the meantime he hears a knock on the door. Now, to pretend that he was busy with his work, and display his level of importance, he picks up the phone and starts talking, while making the visitor wait inside his room. A few minutes later he hangs up the phone and asks for the reason of the visit. The visitor replies that he was there to fix the phone.

What’s the point of pretending when you know who you are inside! Just toss away the phony mask. Deep inside you know your value and worth.

Conflicts

Being identified with personality has fostered many conflicts in people’s lives. For instance, in a job, an ongoing tiff among co-workers is a conflict between their personalities. Between lovers and couples also, the clash of personalities can ignite many squabbles. In life, under many circumstances, personality is to be blamed for many argument and fights. Why – because your personality won’t let you melt into that circumstance. It prohibits your from accepting criticism in a tactful manner. Furthermore, your personality strengthens your ego making it more difficult to give up.

Only your individuality is not afraid of anything, because it has nothing to lose. You have just one individuality. On the other hand, you can carry many personalities. Individuality is the uniqueness of your being. Personality is simply what you wear on the outside. It is how you present yourself in front of others. Thus your personality varies all day long. In the morning you are somebody, at work you carry a different personality, at a club you are a different person, and at home you are different again. All day you are changing skin like a chameleon. This is what a personality is --the outer covering.

Hence it is quite essential to understand that personality is simply a mask, or clothing given to you by others and by yourself, even though you assume it to be your individuality. And, yes you wrap up yourself with that clothing and act as if it’s your authenticity or your own original self. While doing so, your individuality gets buried in your pile of personalities. Thus, personality is simply a deception. It’s not your true essence. Your individuality is your essence. This needs to be understood; otherwise, you will keep on wearing masks all your life, and you won’t be able to know your original face...

You should not worry when people make discouraging comments regarding your personality. They don’t know what they are talking about. Once you come to realize that personality is simply a thin layering and nothing more, you won’t be affected by these ignorant remarks. Once you reach an understanding that real growth is possible only when the personality dies, then you are on your way to finding your true essence.

So do not get deceived by the false ideas given to you by the unconscious mass. Do not listen to their tips on how to concentrate on building your personality. It’s a big lie. It is simply a way to stray you from your individuality. Don’t be fooled by these phony people who want to exploit your vulnerabilities. And anyway even if you follow their advice, it would have no effect. You have hundreds of personalities, how many can you strengthen? It’s not possible to keep track of all of them.

Instead, you should realize that your individuality is covered with this thick layer; hence, a great effort must be applied in uncovering all the masks, all the clothing and all the pretentious behaviors. Discard all these things, and one day your individuality will appear on the surface. That day you will regain your true self. That day your inner being will be filled with fragrance and the grace of the tremendously beautiful flower of your individuality.

Personality and Individuality
Personality is external and is a result of many factors such as education, society, upbringing, environment, circumstances etc. It is created by you and is influenced by external factors. Personality can be changed easily. For instance, if I hypnotize you, you will be a different person. You will act totally different. I can thus change your beliefs, ideals and convictions. Also, your personality will be different if you move to a new place. You have to act accordingly to that culture or surrounding. Hence, personality is artificial and changes repeatedly.
But, your individuality is your innate nature. You were born with it. And it remains the same.
For instance, you can domesticate a snake, make it do what you wish; but one day if it gets a chance it will bite you no matter how much milk you have fed it. That is the snake’s true nature; that is its essence, it can’t help it.
No one can take your individuality away from you. It is pure, innocent and extremely beautiful.

Let me provide you one example:
We all know how innocent little children are. They don’t worry about what others say or think. They play on their own accord. They are not bothered with how to present themselves in front of others. They are totally natural because they haven’t yet gathered personalities. But when the child starts growing, he will be imposed with traditions and values. He will be forced to take upon things against his wishes or the surroundings he grows up will influence him. A child cannot revolt against his own parents or society, who has much more power than he is. This is a big obstruction that has been preventing us from finding our individuality, as we have to take up ideas, doctrines, and philosophies, which are simply adding more layers on the crust and nothing more. We are forced to practice a religion without knowing its meaning. We are thrust upon political ideology without knowing its value. Why cannot a child be left alone to blossom in the freedom of his own individuality?

Consequences
Yes, this imposition and poisoning have plagued all societies. The broken family or the disoriented family is bound to arise as a consequence. A son hates his father. A daughter hates her mother, because they are not allowed to be what they wanted. Children are afraid that they are going to be like their parents, but what else they can be. They learned all from their parents. The personality they wear now has descended straight from their parents. Instead of helping a child in his personal and spiritual growth from early childhood, unnecessary values re being forced upon him. The child carries the pain and the burden being inflicted upon him all his life. Hence he has so much hatred when he grows up.


Conclusion
Just two things are required to be meditated upon. One is the understanding that individuality is our essence, and only through it we can gain the true freedom from the imprisonment of personality. The second is that personality is fickle and it can be changed easily. It is simply imposed upon you by others as well as yourself under the influence of external factors.

Personality is not real, it is a sheer lie – completely man made nonsense. Just realize this and accept the way you are. In true love, deep acceptance, and pure friendship, personality will fade away by itself -- because personality is simply a mask under which you have kept hidden, to make yourself important in all kinds of situations.

Let me elaborate these three points:

First, in true love, you completely disappear. There will be no ego, self or time. There will be no question of personality to bring conflictsin your life.

Second, in deep acceptance, you are not being touched by others’ opinions, negative judgments, insults, or demoralizing remarks. Once you have learned to accept yourself the way you are, your personality will melt by itself.

Third, in pure friendship, personality has no place whatsoever as you have accepted others without any judgments of way they are. In such state, there will be no clash of egos and personalities.

Personality has its own limitations. It cannot get bigger than its boundary. Hence, if you understand the above three points then you have saved yourself from the disease called personality.

Finally, let’s all endeavor to dig the true gem that’s buried in layers of our masks. Let’s not heed those who lure you with secrets on building a positive and strong personality as they are leading you straight to a ditch. Let’s work hard on finding our true essence, our own individuality, which is our intrinsic nature and bestowed upon us by the existence.